It has been half a year since I’ve posted.  Here is the update.  I never did stick to the gym after the last posts, nor do anything very productive for a better body.  I had an audition for Streetcar, which I was ill prepared for – and not qualified.  They’ve already cast it and I’m not in it.  I’m not bothered by it simply because it really wasn’t for me any more than say joining a basketball league.  I get the concepts and appreciate a good play, but leave it to the professionals.

What IS good to report is that about four weeks ago, I tried running with the assistance of my wife Carol.  She runs.  She runs for herself and not with some die-hard visions of marathons.  The program is a basic C25K (Couch to 5K), starting with 60 seconds on and 90 seconds off for 8 sets.  It was really really hard.  But after three weeks of doing that, I stepped up to the next challenge of 90 seconds on, 120 seconds off for 6 sets.  The first changeup was HARD.  The second time was much better.  I like that my heart is starting to keep up and at the end I can say, “I did that”.

In addition to this, I have been going to the gym!  Well, I went every other day for the first three weeks, but I had to take a few rest days.  I have been feeling great.  The progress even shows a little.

But wait….

The day after the second next level run, my whole body felt puffy and warm.  I suspected blood pressure, so I checked.  165 / 120.  I checked again the next day and it was just as high.  Add to this, my neck started acting up.  It’s been a week now and I still feel pretty awful.  I went to the doctor and got some blood pressure medicine.  I go back in two weeks.  T3s again part of my daily diet.

I actually miss the exercise now.  More on point, I miss the strong feeling I had.  That’s new.  So I will have to get back on the horse again….

Two days ago, I went to the gym in the evening.  I could only go for 45 minutes, but I went.  Yesterday I went to the gym on my lunch hour and got in another half hour.  I’m also eating lighter with veggies, fruit, tuna being the main bits.  Unfortunately I did make trips to Tims the last two mornings and had a small coffee and buttered bagel.  I reduced the coffee!  I didn’t get cream cheese!  Well, the real problem here is when I stay up later, I feel that need for a coffee very strongly.  I must go without the coffee.  I must say no.  I still can’t believe I went nearly 18 months without.

I also got new batteries for the scale.  The bad news is that my starting point is officially … 240 lbs.  That means I’ve put on 10 pounds in the last 4-6 months.  The challenge is now bigger than ever.  Can I get fit and lose 50-60 pounds?  Can I run a 5k?  Stay tuned…

Ok so I set the alarm for 4 or 5 hoping that I could get my body over to the gym in the morning.  First lesson learned:  if you stay up late the night before, watching Tessa Virtue skate, then getting up early the next morning will not work.  Not only that, but you’ll require a coffee to get yourself awake and enable you to do anything.  So, no gym and had a coffee.  Not a good start.  I did bring some fish and yogurt for lunch and don’t intend on eating out.  I might get to the gym tonight too.  I have to take every opportunity if I want a positive outcome.

I also went to get on the scale today for a baseline weigh-in only to find that the batteries in the scale were dead.  I’m not sure but that might just be a sign that I should not weigh myself and just do the right things.  On the other hand, if I don’t weigh myself, how can I say that I lost ‘x’ pounds?  Oh wait, they have a scale at the gym.

Ever have a bunch of things going on that make you so busy that when they are done, you feel like saying ‘what now?’.  I just completed my work as Derek Spencer in Casting For Murder.  It was fun.  The adjudicator said things like ‘one to watch’ and ‘loveable’.  Can’t go wrong with that.  Then I found out that next season, the group is doing A Streetcar Named Desire.  The first thing that comes to mind is the iconic moment – an near cliche – of Marlon Brando shouting ‘STELLAAA!’.  Then I think of Brando and how engaging an actor he could be.  Could I play this part?  I’m only 40-50 pounds overweight for it!  But could I?  With 9 months to figure that out, it becomes an incentive to reshape.  Many great actors – Bale, Hanks, Leto – have adjusted their physique for a role.  Could I be disciplined enough for that?  What if I didn’t get the role anyways?  Well, then I guess I’d have to live with my progress.  So here we go.  Back to the gym, diets, no coffee…  Yes, I’ve been drinking coffee for the last 4 weeks.  After being off it for 18 months.  I can’t wait to get off of it again

I ate relatively well yesterday.  That is until I left for a rehearsal and craved a warm drink.  I fell back on a Tim Hortons French Vanilla.  I was on my Tylenol 3’s and feeling the pain in my neck once again.  The French Vanilla made my stomach upset until I went to bed.  The headache stayed as well.  Carol and I refer to the French Vanilla as an “FU” due to the way the staff will write “FV” on the cup with less of a point.  Well, I felt really FU’ed.  I will say today that I will no longer get French Vanillas.

This morning I felt better.  I got on the scales for the first time in a while.  As it started to settle around 237, I jumped off.  That’s not a good number.  Just a few years ago I was 20 lbs less.  I packed fruit and yogurt in a bag for snacks and lunch at work today.  No eating out.

When I was preparing for my role as Liam in the play Calendar Girls, the costume designer was taking my measurements.  She was very thorough, although she only needed my upper body as I could just where pants I already owned.  I leaned over and took this picture of her notes.  This is what I’m starting from.

To add to this, my leg length is 28″.  I look a bit like Bam Bam from the Flintstones.  To be realistic, I don’t think I can change that part unless I go all Gattaca.

Here are some great examples of what I have issue with:

My sunken ski slope chest with protruding basketball stomach and chin-neck (with Darth Vader at FanEXPO 2017)

One head tilt moves my entire cheek-neck over my shoulder.  Definitely more of a Elwood Blues thing going on. 
(on photography duty, on the beach in Marco Island, Florida)

I feel like I dominate the picture here.  The lines on the jacket and the wide pants show the shape of an unhealthy guy.  Note, I don’t actually drink much, especially hard liquor.  (Shooting a promotional video as Derek Spencer in Casting For Murder, Georgetown Little Theatre)

I’m large.  Not “super large”, but enough that if I try to get into the attic, I’m afraid that my waist or hips will be stuck there.  I recently bought a nice shirt only to find it was a slimmer fit around the waist, so that when I put it on, the chest and arms felt great!  But the belly area was tight.  So tight that the line of the buttons was distorted to the side like some bad Kardashian Photoshop job.

But it’s more than appearance.  My knees and feet hurt with increasing intensity.  A minute running – or walking fast – is always followed by three minutes of recovery.  I refer to my neck as a turkey neck.  It sometimes continues moving for a few seconds after I turn my head.  My shoulders and arms are weak.  They shake when they carry too much for too long.  Speaking of shaking, there’s also my nerves and blood pressure.  I get rapid changes and rounds of light headedness and weakness that holding a pen seems tedious.  The herniated discs in my neck are in part due to a lack of strength in my neck in shoulders.  The effects of that herniation are devastating.  With extreme sensitivity to light and sound – and pain – I cannot function.

Then there is the responsibility.  I am a father of three.  I am a poor example and sometimes even made fun of by my kids.  They are sometimes supportive too, but I would rather give them something to believe in than sad realities to settle on.  I have a full-time job and peers that see my sad physicality.  I have acted on stage, putting myself before hundreds of people for criticism.

I’m 47 in a couple of days.  I need to be accountable for myself.  Improve and prove.  Prove to myself, family and others that a person can be more than their current state.  Not for mere vanity but for the sake of the earth, life & love.